


Confessions

by jaminsjiminsjams



Category: Supernatural
Genre: M/M, destiel fanfiction, destiel fic, spn destiel - Freeform, spn fanfic, supernatural fanfic - Freeform
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-11-22
Updated: 2018-11-22
Packaged: 2019-08-27 20:52:54
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,192
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16709845
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/jaminsjiminsjams/pseuds/jaminsjiminsjams
Summary: Castiel heals Dean after he’s been hurt.





	Confessions

Castiel closes his eyes, trying to burn the image of Dean laying bloodied and bruised on the ground, his shirt tattered from the assault. He tries to force away the memory of how soft and warm his skin felt when his hand lingered on Dean’s cheek after he healed him, and the way Dean had looked up at him, nothing but trust in his eyes as he grinned and let out a shaky: “Took ya long enough.” Castiel cherished those memories, the few times he got to just completely admire Dean- he could easily pass it off for concern for his injured friend. But as they’d slowly built up, he became more and more aware of why it was that he loved those memories so much, why he couldn’t help but glance in Dean’s direction when he didn’t think he was looking. He’d heard it described many times in his lifetime, but he had never experienced it in such a way before. He couldn’t convince himself anymore that Dean was his friend, just his friend. Or, at least he couldn’t pretend that’s what he wanted anymore. But, he still didn’t fully understand what he wanted. Of course, he knew a few things: he wanted Dean to be happy. He wanted Dean to be healthy and safe. He wanted to be near Dean, to hold him; he wanted to tell him everything and nothing at the same time. Castiel could never seem to find the right words around Dean, and he was worried about how apparent his embarrassment was growing. When Dean complimented him, or just said his name in general, he felt his face heat up quickly, and his palms grow sweaty. Though he did not know why: his vessel was in perfect health.

Castiel jumps up slightly when Dean’s voice echoes through his mind, and then surges forward, in a complete state of panic at the way the broken weakness of his voice even carries through in his prayers. He appears in time to see Sam smoking the last demon, and urgently rushes into the next room, kneeling by Dean’s side and briefly examining him, not even hesitating to heal him of all his wounds. His hand rests on the side of Dean’s face, unable to keep from gazing lovingly at him. Castiel quickly forces himself to drop his hand, however, clearing his expression just in time for Dean to open his eyes, and blink up at his worried friend. Dean’s eyes sparkle slightly as they meet Castiel’s gaze, and a small smile softens his features.

“Thanks,” his voice comes out gruff and dry and he coughs slightly, forcing his gaze down to the cold concrete floor. Castiel nods once, still crouching in front of Dean, and his fingers twitch.

“I’m sorry I was late,” his voice comes out choked, and broken- clearly taking all the blame for Dean being hurt as badly as he was. Dean’s eyes instantly go up to him and his lips part slightly. “If I would’ve come quicker, you wouldn’t have been hurt nearly as bad…”

“Cas…buddy- you came as soon as you could,” Dean’s eyebrows pull together, and he sighs. “Don’t blame yourself, Cas. Please- you healed me, I’m fine. See?” Castiel adverts his gaze still, looking like a scolded puppy as he lowers his head more. Dean tilts his head, and lets out a long sigh. “Cas, come on.”

“I’m not able to sufficiently protect you.” He mumbles. “I shouldn’t…I shouldn’t be near you- or Sam,” he adds the last part quickly, and then stands up, turning around to leave as Dean scrambles to his feet.

“Wait, Cas, where are you going? Baby’s just out front, aren’t you-”

“I’m not going back, Dean Winchester.” Castiel chokes out. “I can’t. I don’t deserve…” he cuts himself off and shakes his head. “Goodbye, Dean.”

“No, Cas, you can’t leave- please.” Dean moves forward quickly, grabbing his arm. “Dammit Cas, this wasn’t your fault! You helped me when I called, you always do,”

“Not always,” Castiel interrupts, shooting him a pointed look. Dean rakes his hand through his hair and curses.

“Cas, man- come on. Just…tell me you’ll get in the damn car and go back with me. I need you. We- me and Sam- we…” Castiel looks over at Dean, clenching his jaw as he scans his friend’s features. “Ah, screw this man.” Dean moves forward quickly, and Castiel takes a few steps back, his back pressing into the wall.

“Dean, what are you-”

Dean puts one hand on the back of Castiel’s head and his other find’s Castiel’s hand, threading their fingers as he tilts his head down. His lips barely brush against Castiel’s, and he closes his eyes as a pained expression crosses his face. “I need you Cas. Just me. Me. I need you- I need-” his voice breaks, and he laughs softly, shaking his head. “Cas…” Dean closes his eyes and musters all his courage. He slowly tilts his head and presses his lips against Castiel’s, his shoulders relaxing. However, he pulls away quickly when Castiel’s spine goes rigid, his whole-body stiffening against Dean’s. His eyes fly open and he looks at Castiel’s bewildered expression, his eyes open wide and his jaw now clenching and unclenching wildly. Dean’s cheeks tinge pink, and he sucks in a breath quickly, turning away from Castiel. He forces a laugh and tries to keep the burning feeling in his chest at bay as he moves quickly. “If you’re still leaving, at least come have one last drink with me.” He says, heading out towards the Impala. He climbs into the drivers’ seat, holding his breath as he waits to see if Castiel will get in the car, or if he’ll be drinking alone. The passenger door opens, and Castiel sits carefully in the seat, his back still stiff as he stares forward, not saying a thing. Dean sighs softly and pulls the seatbelt across his chest.

 

Dean straddles the bar stool, slouching more than he ever has before as he downs what must be his fifth whiskey. He forces his eyes closed and drags a hand down his face. What were you thinking? He slams his hand back down on the table, startling a few of the other patrons as he motions for another drink. Castiel takes a breath beside him and opens his mouth to speak, only to close it a few seconds later. He flounders there for a few seconds before sitting down next to Dean, folding his hands on the table in front of him.

“Dean,” his voice seems rougher than before, and Dean closes his eyes at this, swirling his glass slightly as he prepares himself for the questions the angel was sure to ask. But, they never come. Dean opens his eyes, peeking over at Castiel, who stares at him with a look of complete confusion on his face. “Dean, I…” His voice trails off and the angel shakes his head again. “I… I don’t know what to say.” He murmurs. “I didn’t know…I mean, you sleep with so many women, I figured…” Dean laughs dryly.

“That I didn’t swing that way?”

Castiel nods.

“Well, Cas, sometimes it just takes the right person…anyways, you can’t tell everything about someone from just what you see.” Dean breaths in deeply and let go of his glass. “You don’t have to hold it back, Cas. Let me have it. I can take it, come on.”

“Dean…you…you have very…soft, lips.” Castiel manages to choke out the sentence, looking down at the ground. “You’re a very good kisser- I…” Castiel’s brow furrows, and he sighs. “I care for you, Dean. You just…surprised me.” Dean’s heart stops, and his eyes dart over to Castiel.

“Cas?”

“I…” Castiel’s blinks quickly, swiping at his eyes. “I’ve always deeply cared for you…loved you. I love you, Dean.” He looks over at his friend, standing up and walking over to him. Dean scrambles off the stool, a large smile sliding across his lips as he reaches out for Castiel. But Castiel pulls away. He looks down at the ground, dejected. “I never thought you returned my feelings,” he continues. “It…it just makes this even harder.” Dean’s eyebrows lift, and Castiel raises his gaze to meet Dean’s.

He reaches out, placing his hand on Dean’s cheek and leaning in quickly, placing a kiss on Dean’s forehead. He means to pull away, to stop himself before he makes it even harder, but he can’t. He kisses Dean softly, gently grabbing his hand and squeezing as they both sway slightly, completely and totally lost in the moment. Castiel sighs against Dean’s lips, his eyelids fluttering slightly as he steps closer to Dean.

“Look at that.” Dean pulls away from Castiel quickly, looking like a deer in the headlights as he looks at the bartender- the only other person currently occupying the bar. Dean launches forward, cutting off the bartenders next comment as he grabs his collar and yanks him forward.

“Forget this,” Dean growls. “Forget you saw that, right now.”

“I thought you two were FBI,” the man says, his eyes widening.

“W-we are,” Dean stammers, his eyes darting over to Castiel. The bartender shoves Dean off him, and he stammers back, bumping into Castiel.

Castiel’s hands jolt up to catch Dean, and they rest on his waist as he gently moves Dean aside, walking calmly over to the bartender, ignoring his threats. When Castiel reaches him, he opens his mouth to speak and the bartender waves his hand.

“Shut it, asshole.” He sneers, beginning to laugh at his own comment as Castiel calmly steps forward again, his head tilting slightly.

“What did you say, boy?” Castiel breathes in deeply, a creepily calm smile marring his features. He reaches out, placing his hand on his shoulder. “He’s right. You didn’t see anything.” The man seems to go into a trance as Castiel whirls around, keeping his gaze off Dean as he walks past him.

“Whoa, Cas wait.” Dean stumbles out the door, grabbing a fistful of his trench coat. “Cas,” Castiel turns his gaze to Dean.

“Don’t worry, he won’t remember any of that.” Castiel’s eyes shine slightly, and he looks away, shaking his head. “Dean, if you don’t want people to…know that we…” Castiel stops himself, and he laughs slightly, raising his face to the sky. “I don’t see the point in pretending there’s nothing if there is,” Castiel says.

“People would judge- they might not take us seriously. I can’t have that.” Dean says. “I…I love you though, Cas- I do, I just…” Castiel turns away, his eyes meeting Dean’s.

“You can’t turn off love, Dean. You can’t hide it. You can’t pretend it isn’t there, trust me- I’ve tried. It comes out. It always comes out.” Dean laughs loudly, shaking his head.

“Yeah? How the hell would-” Castiel cuts him off, tapping his forehead with his index and middle finger. Dozens of images flash in Dean’s mind, all leading to the same thing, in one way or another. Every scene, no matter how bloody or loud, quiet or calm- every situation led to the same sentence:

“I love you, Dean. I always have.”

Dean peers over at Castiel. “What the hell is that?” Castiel laughs bitterly, ripping his gaze from the sky to Dean.

“That, Dean, is every time I ever told you how I feel. Every time. Close to 100 times, and not once did you reciprocate my feelings. Half the time you didn’t even take me seriously. So, I took the memory from you, to go back to how we were, because every time, every time afterward it got messy. But I could never keep it a secret for long, I always ended up back at square one, giving a one-sided confession. Why now? What is it that’s making you say you care for me, Dean? Why now? Why not any of the dozens of other times I confessed?” Dean looks away, his cheeks burning with shame.

“Cas…”

“Dean,” Castiel closes his eyes, “it hurt. More than anything I’ve ever felt before.”

“Cas, I’m sorry…”

“And now,” his eyes flicker open, “now you don’t want anyone to know? Are you ashamed? Do you not really care for me?”

“Cas, please…” Dean reaches out for Castiel. “I…look, Cas I really am sorry…it’s…not easy.” Castiel’s gaze locks with his and Deans heart breaks at the look in his eyes. “I do love you, I…” Castiel’s eyelids flutter shut, and he turns his face to the sky once more. “Cas…” Dean sighs, shutting his eyes tightly. “Why don’t we tell Sam when we get back?”

There’s a moment of silence, and Dean opens his eyes to see Castiel staring at him. “Dean, you don’t need to if you’re not ready.” Dean laughs slightly.

“Cas, buddy, I’m right. Besides, I’m pretty sure Sam knew way before I did.” Dean grins, and Castiel returns the smile, looking down and reaching for Dean’s hand. “I’m sorry it took me so long Cas…I love you.”

“I love you too.”


End file.
